they just dun care.

Ok. New semester, new class. I miss my previous class. Truthfully, previous class was way better. It is now the 2nd week of school and yet, I still feel like a loner. Am I arrogant? Do I look arrogant? I feel so low in the class. It’s totally different then the old class. The people there are much more, knowledgeable I must say. Not saying that my previous class isn’t. But what im trying to say is, they have a high level of expectations. Unlike me. Some of them has a GPA of 4.0. Im surprised that most of them, when presenting, they went to elaborate so much. When all I can do is just to read from the slides? i feel so… urghh….

Ok chatted with my cousin just now….

Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
skola?
kau da nak skola kan?
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
next year..
Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
oooo
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
yup..pak ngah 2 ari mcm sindir je..
Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
asal?
dia ckp ape?
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
tkde n level o level da msk diploma?
salah ke?
Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
hahaha
alaaa
kau tahu la pak ngahhh
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
sape tk kenal anak jenab..
hahahahaha
Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
mengarot jer 24 jammm
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
mak ngan anak
Feel the beautiful flowers laid barren by an emptiness that can never be filled says:
hahahhaha
miZ lonEly aPai 4 eva.. says:
kwang3

Ok, should I be mad or should’nt I? Somehow it hurts me because he’s my father and she has no right to say so. If she wants to discriminate, discriminate my grandmother and not him. I know my dad can be a pain in the ass, but he is my dad. She’s lucky I can tolerate such things.

new air.

ahhhh.... new semester, new class...
im pretty scared about tommorow...
wonder where will i be sitting in the classroom?
and hmmm.. will i make new friends?
im scaredddddd....
and how am i going to present in the class, when i know no one...
i suck at presentations..
arghhhhhhhhh
im scared!

i've been alone all along

i've been alone all along....

runaway.

I can’t sleep well. Woke up at 6 in the morning. Then around, 7, my mom came into my room, and I pretended I was sleeping. She slept with me in my room. When I saw her sleeping, I went back to sleep again. I thought of bringing her out today.

Then, ended up waking up at 12 +. So, I got a little scared when I didn’t see her in my bedroom. I went in her room, saw her sitting in front of her fan, drying her hair, lokking depressed. She was all ready to go out. So I asked her, where she heading to? She told me, she was going to meet her friend at admiralty. I insist on following her. But she told me she’s late and it’s going to be quick. Then I asked her, is she bringing her phone? She said yea.

So after she left, I don’t know why I lie on her bed and started crying. Then my dad went into the room, and asked me where she went? And I when like, “admiralty” then he asked me, go after her. Then he saw a letter my mom wrote. She told my dad she can’t take it anymore, and that she is sorry. She need to run away so that she can find some peace. I was crying like hell. I went on crying and crying. I called my brother and my sister up. My sister was crying on the phone.

I took a quick shower, wore my dress and went out. So yea, my father follow, but still, he belive that my mom was rude. At that point of time I wished I had kill him. So we went searchin behind the garden, all over our neighbourhood. She was’nt there. I called her, she rejected my call. I call her many times till she picked it up. Then finally she pick up. She said she wants to go. I am like “where are you!!” and she say she’s in the bus heading to woodlands. But she told my sis she’s at the mosque. And she told my auntie she’s in the central. So I was confused. Who to believe.

Then my dad, gave up. He said he was tired and dizzy. But I can see he was. So I asked him to go home. So I sat underneath my block alone, ccrying and crying thinking where was she. I call her, and she off her phone. My mind was thinking, should I run away? Should i? so yea, my sis came home. We went to sit somewhere. And I try contacting her again. Finally she on her phone. But it took me many times to dial her till she pick up. This time, i was begging her to come home. at this point of time, I feel as tho I could faint like seriously, I haven’t ate and I was crying so much. Then she asked me to go home. ask me to go and eat. I plead her to tell me where is she. She refuses to ans. Then she told me, she was at masjid darul makmur. She told me she’s staying there till ishyak. I told her, to come home. she told me she will. If she thinks of her children, she will come home. I trust her. I knew she will come home.

So yea, cut the story short. My brother, my sister and me took her home from the mosque. At ard 5. we ate. Back home, my dad, as per normal, scolding my mom. But she stay strong. But im glad that today my dad sleep in the room. Just so you know, today, is one of the worst day I ever had. I love my mom so much.

fucked up

I'm sick of everything! like seriously. im not asking for simpathy. but i've never been through such a thing. My dad, an egoistic bastard. Currently, i hate him.

Just now, i apologize to my dad, thinking that maybe that is the only way i would help my mother. He shouted at me, and still scolding me. Well, my mom help me, she told him how could you treat your child like that and stuffs. Then it came to a point, that he said, he dun bother us anymore, then my mom was like 'minah go take a bathe and we shall leave him' and he went like, 'leave leave ah. i dun bother' It hurts me when he said that. So when i walk off from him, i told him, he was heartless. i went back to my room and cried. when im crying, i told god, God, take away my life, maybe that would help everything. I told my mom just now, i should just die. well, think back, i wouldnt do such a thing, because i knew, if i leave, it would make matters worse for my mom.

well, i love my mom. she's been crying a lot. and i pity her. my dad still sleeps at the couch. when my sister asked him to go to his room, he refuses. so yea, stay that way, maybe my sister and me should sleep with her tonight. and i still THANK THAT FUCKING BITCH FOR THIS. FUCK YOU!! GOT THAT?!

fucked up

Everything’s so fucked up right now.
I can’t stop crying. My dad has been on the couch since yesterday. He refuses to talk to anyone. Early in the morning, I heard my mom and him quarelling. He didn’t ate since yesterday. My mom on the other hand has been in her room, crying. Me and my sister, stayed in the room. And my brother, in his room. I am sad. I should thank my evil grandmother for this. She really likes to see us like this didn’t she. And I knew all along, yesterday, when my mom cried in front of her, she didn’t care less. She was more than happy. I am cursing her to death. How’d I wish that it was her that had past away.
Seriously, I don’t know what to do.