Be glad now.

Okay, today's dream was definitely weird.
I dreamt about this girl.
Okay, this girl, i dreamt about her once before.
This tym, we were in good terms.
We talk things out.
The conversation goes like this...

me "So how's u and him?"

she "Okay luh, we no longer talk to each other and i love my bf a lot now"

me "What happen actually?"

she "No, what happen to you actually?"

me "Nothing much luh, we are just, not meant to be. I keep seeing him with other girls one after another. First there was her... then there was you and her... then her... then her... then me again.. then her... So what about u? what happened? Was it because of me?"
she "No luh, it was'nt you luh. It all happened when elton and john came along"

me "ELTON AND JOHN?!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. i swear to god that was one merepek dream luh. I woke up right after that. Still questioning myself... ELTON AND JOHN?! ahhahahahha WTH! merepeeeek btul. i wonder who's elton and who's john. GOSH.

It's strange how they could appear in my dreams sia. Nevermind~
i must've been thinking too much.

So the past few days was sucky as ever.
im still not talking to dad. he's being so cold towards me. and i hate that.
i skipped school the past two days.
my grades... are really shitty... im really slacking... but heck, im left with only a week.

the past few days, i met a lot of familiar faces.
I had breakfast that sun morning at macs and guess who i saw?! herman luh.
i bet he dun remember me at all, so yea, i just walked right through him.

then, i head to eliane's house to get ready and stuffs.
then we head off to vivo.
on the train, guess who i saw?!
tafsir luh!
i got so shocked! i think my reaction was pretty stupid.
Trying so hard to avoid him, i grabbed eliane's hand and run away as fast as i could to avoid him seeing me.
i feeeeel so baddddddd...
but whatever it is, i just hope, he did'nt realise luh.

i realise i was being really mean towards him last tym.
and i mean, REALLY. and im sorry.
i feel so bad.
its just that i've been hearing a lot of bad things about him last tym.
and that, the sight of me seeing a girl kissing him was just 0_0
Picture this kay, u went out on a date with a guy...
everything seem okay...
you need to pee.. you go to the toilet..
he's waiting for you outside...
then when you head out off the toilet you see a girl, kissing your date.
urrr, no okay, it's not a cheek kindda kiss.
it was more too... urm, lips kissing.
Am i just a bad luck kid orwhut?!
it was THEN, when i started to think, him and me, we are just totally different people.
i just can't see myself, seeing you everytym, sitting down there at the skatepark meeting your friends then sit there mcm tiang smiling lyk im forced to.
he's friends, are what i call the party people. i feel that, we are just... different.
So, i leave him hanging. and he keeps on texting and texting me saying sorry, asking me why all this happen, but still i refuse to text him back.
Even my mom went lyk "MSG balik luh, kesian org tu".
till one day, he finally gave up.
after all that, he dedicated a song for me through his myspace... called karma - cokelat.
yes, and it goes something like this...

"Selamat tinggal sayang
Bila umurku panjang, kelak ku kan datang
'Tuk buktikan, satu balas 'kan kau jelas
Jangan menangis sayang
Kuingin kau rasakan, pahitnya terbuang
Sia-sia, memang kau pantas dapatkan"

So yes tafsir, if you're reading this, i think, probably i deserve that.
i deserve that. really.
cuz it all came back to me, lyk how you wanted it to be.
=D

Okay, life is pretty much a misery for me right now.

Okay, life is pretty much a misery for me right now.
Yes. i mean seeeriously.
Okay, warning this entry may be explicit.

So saturday, i thought my day was gonna be purfect.
I thought my day was gonna be normal.
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, feeeling seeeeriously fucked up luh rite now.
And adding up to that fuckedup-ness, i had to face evil mens on earth.
Yes, I received one, two, three? huge tight slap with this beings they called... urm... heartless. and that one being is someone whom i called... my dad!
Fuck luh! January, is just a bad month to start with.
seriously. It's always january when such things happen.
I dun get it seriously, why the fuck he have to make such small little things to be soooo... big! ERGH!
I cried, and i cried, and i cried.
Im tired already.
This is the point of time in my life where i seriously think that life, is fucking meaningless.
So why live sia?!
he's getting on my fucking nerve oready.
and worst still, he have to drag it all till today luh.
I woke up early in the morning, because i had plans.
and since elia stayed over at my house, i plan to go out with her instead.
But, this ass, i did'nt know why the fuck he came barging into my bro's room and shouted at me saying "EH, YOU WANT TO RUNAWAY, YOU JUST PACK YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE! JUST LEAVE! I DUN CARE AH!"

EHHH HELLO FUCK! LISTEN TO ME EH. YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU JUST SAY LUH!! I CAN LEAVE WHENEVER I WANT TOO OSO LUH! CHHEEEEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I DON'T EVEN BOTHER LUH! IM NOT LIKE YOU OSO LUH FUCKER, I HAVE FEELINGS.. UNLIKE YOU. ERGHHHH
$@#$@#%$%#%^%$^#^$#^$%#$^#$^#%$#^%#^%$&^$&#%@$#%$#.

how i wished, my grandma is still alive. cuz i know, if she was, i would be by her side at this particular timing. I miss her. gosh, im seriously hurt now. I am. I was treated lyk an object to you!!

Now im lyk at eliane's crib writing all this shit. i can't take it luh seriously.
I had enough with him.

I know he's my dad. I know. I still love him, but i just cant take it uh seriously.
And if he felt that i've changed, then feel sorry for urself... because u made me!
YOU! made me now. asss.

So okay, angers aside, i had fun with them last night.
Tho itwas embarassing at first but it was fun later on.
With them, it felt like as if all my problems were gone.
free from everything.
So yea, i got home at ard 5 in the morning.
Eliane stayed over.
and now... im at her place.

boohooo.
fuckeduplifeihavenow.

This is what i call, one-sided

One-sided

okay, updates updates!

Many asked, "Why are'nt you online lately?"
There's no reason to it ok. i choose not to be online. so yea.

So what have i been doing lately?
going out, sleep, school, out, sleep, school, net, myspace, blog.
pretty much, im living a life as a bummer now.
yes.

i just woke up from a short nap. Went yishun after school. Eat, talk, thread, blablablayadayadayada.

Oh, thursday was a dread... i went to school late, lyk ard... 1010?
I was present in class for a while, and when i had to change team, my mood was'nt there at all! i was teamed with sean. Ohmeegooodness i dun like it when he talks. When he talk, he's basically throwing rubbish onto my ears. I hate entertaining him okay.
So i skipped lesson, and went CWP to catch a movie called... 'CLOVERFIELD' with aqila. huahahaha.

Okay, CLOVERFIELD = SUCKASS. period. That movie sucks to the maxima okays! Gosh, buying those tickets to cloverfield is lyk buying a ticket for a rollercoaster ride luh! Eh merepek luh i tell you. I'm warning all beings reading this,
*DON'T WATCH CLOVERFIELD!!*
There's no ending to it also. Lyk WTH.

They told me, "Minah, not worth it."
Back then, i kept denying.
But now, i think, i've lost it all.
It could be true.

You'd probably need to buy that in bulks. Cuz you send it out too often.

You'd probably need to buy that in bulks.
Cuz you send it out too often.
=D

Yes, dissapearance of aminah.
Woooots~
hahha.
anyways, been sick this pass few days.
Despite being sick, i have to drag my ass to school.
great, orwhut!?

That saturday, was probably the worst fever i had to date from 2007.
Yes, and guess what, before that fever, i dreamt, About.... ALIENS.
i got abducted luh sia!!! then wake up, i cant stop tossing and turning, crying in pain.
My brains, felt like as tho itwas squeezed osumthink.
pain okay! i was tearing all the way.
Then the whole day, i spent by sleeping all the way through the day.
woke up the next morning, body was still unwell. But wan dragged me down to changi airport for fun. So yea, i went changi, eat macs, walked ard, then head home.
Mon, school was normal. Fever run down, but was coughing and coughing and flu was running so badly okay.
and now, today, i feel lyk dying seeriously. i had, 10 hours of sleep, but still im feeling darn tired now! and my nose is killing me! I've been SNEEZING AND SNEEZING AND SNEEZING!
stop it oready. im getting tired!!!

I told mom that day "Mak, i want to put on braces uh."
And mom replied, "Sudahluh kau! Head pain only, want to cry. then, put braces how?! don't ever think of it okay?! Later i cannot take it!"

If god asked me this question "Minah, i would grant ur wish and turn back ur time. Now which point of ur life do you want to be at?"

I'd say "2005"

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay~
gd bye now!

Okay, that's the first step, minah. Moving on.

Okay, that's the first step, minah.
Moving on, Still strong.
=D

I feel soo...

Feel So...

Could my life get any better seriously?!
feeling so fucked up rite now.
and yes, sorry for the vulgarities.
But this is EXACTLY how i feel rite now.

Eh, pls eh. Stop saying im hopeless.
Comme'on man, mirror urself.
wat guts u have to say that i am.
PUHLEASE.
I did everything you asked. And sumtyms, i try. I know i may be stupid at times. But when i fail, you throw nasty words on me. WTH. You think, im born with no feelings eh?!
Name me one thing you've done, JUST ONE THING you've done that you think made you all so worthy.
I see nothing okay.
You, pushing me around, what do u think i am to u?!
You, were never there for me okay. Well not really, but the thing is i dun't even remember when was the last tym you even cared.
Rite now, im not iin a goood state. And im pretty sure u realise that.
So stop hurting me already.
ASSS.

ISN'T THURSDAY'S THE SHITTIEST DAY EVER?!
:'(