Just the thought of you, i fear.

Gosh. I’m pretty much mood-less nowadays.

Yest, I slept early than ever. It was around 2 when I doze off to lala land. And I dreamt quite a no. of dreams. But every time it came to an excitement, I kept on waking up. One of it was, I went to I-don’t-know-which water theme park, and there are tones of people swimming. It was like some kind of fantasy water theme park or something. Beautiful and fun to go to. Ok whatever. I always dream about crazy little things.

So yea, yesterday, I went to follow my sis to book her wedding cake. The one she chose is really beautiful. Elegant is the word. There’s a tiara on top of the 3 level cakes. Sometimes, I really am looking forward for her wedding day. But sometimes, it just saddens me and I don't know why. Could it be that, she has little time to spend with me now, or could it be I'm afraid to be alone on the wedding day? It could be both. And I’m pretty sure it's both.

Kay, let's imagine, it's her wedding day, so who's gonna be by my side? I’m pretty sure my parents will be super busy on that day. My bro? When has my bro ever be with me by my side to entertain me? My sis? uhhh. are'nt u forgetting sumthink?! She’s getting married and obviously she won't be by my side. My cuzzies? uhh. that depends only if they never bring their urrr, guy friends to come? But im pretty sure they are gonna bring at least one guy along. So yes that leads me to the kiddies kiddoes of my cuz. My frens? uhh. that is if they come ah. haiz. it just saddens me to think that I’m a loner on my sis wedding day. I dun want it to be that way ya knoe.

And oh I still remember the day kak siti or kak ida get married. I remember clearly, I was walking around like i got no point of direction. I was walking and walking alone, finding something good to come. Everyone has someone. Get wat i mean? And there i was. sitting. alone. Finding my sis to entertain me. And sumtyms she know how I feel and she will be there for me. But now, it’s her wedding day. She won't be there for me anymore.

Im sad. it kept me thinking yesterday when she was choosing her wedding cake.

Cheer me up. someone. :'(
I feel so weak today. but i ain't sick. why?