5 years ago
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
runaway.
I can’t sleep well. Woke up at 6 in the morning. Then around, 7, my mom came into my room, and I pretended I was sleeping. She slept with me in my room. When I saw her sleeping, I went back to sleep again. I thought of bringing her out today.
Then, ended up waking up at 12 +. So, I got a little scared when I didn’t see her in my bedroom. I went in her room, saw her sitting in front of her fan, drying her hair, lokking depressed. She was all ready to go out. So I asked her, where she heading to? She told me, she was going to meet her friend at admiralty. I insist on following her. But she told me she’s late and it’s going to be quick. Then I asked her, is she bringing her phone? She said yea.
So after she left, I don’t know why I lie on her bed and started crying. Then my dad went into the room, and asked me where she went? And I when like, “admiralty” then he asked me, go after her. Then he saw a letter my mom wrote. She told my dad she can’t take it anymore, and that she is sorry. She need to run away so that she can find some peace. I was crying like hell. I went on crying and crying. I called my brother and my sister up. My sister was crying on the phone.
I took a quick shower, wore my dress and went out. So yea, my father follow, but still, he belive that my mom was rude. At that point of time I wished I had kill him. So we went searchin behind the garden, all over our neighbourhood. She was’nt there. I called her, she rejected my call. I call her many times till she picked it up. Then finally she pick up. She said she wants to go. I am like “where are you!!” and she say she’s in the bus heading to woodlands. But she told my sis she’s at the mosque. And she told my auntie she’s in the central. So I was confused. Who to believe.
Then my dad, gave up. He said he was tired and dizzy. But I can see he was. So I asked him to go home. So I sat underneath my block alone, ccrying and crying thinking where was she. I call her, and she off her phone. My mind was thinking, should I run away? Should i? so yea, my sis came home. We went to sit somewhere. And I try contacting her again. Finally she on her phone. But it took me many times to dial her till she pick up. This time, i was begging her to come home. at this point of time, I feel as tho I could faint like seriously, I haven’t ate and I was crying so much. Then she asked me to go home. ask me to go and eat. I plead her to tell me where is she. She refuses to ans. Then she told me, she was at masjid darul makmur. She told me she’s staying there till ishyak. I told her, to come home. she told me she will. If she thinks of her children, she will come home. I trust her. I knew she will come home.
So yea, cut the story short. My brother, my sister and me took her home from the mosque. At ard 5. we ate. Back home, my dad, as per normal, scolding my mom. But she stay strong. But im glad that today my dad sleep in the room. Just so you know, today, is one of the worst day I ever had. I love my mom so much.
Then, ended up waking up at 12 +. So, I got a little scared when I didn’t see her in my bedroom. I went in her room, saw her sitting in front of her fan, drying her hair, lokking depressed. She was all ready to go out. So I asked her, where she heading to? She told me, she was going to meet her friend at admiralty. I insist on following her. But she told me she’s late and it’s going to be quick. Then I asked her, is she bringing her phone? She said yea.
So after she left, I don’t know why I lie on her bed and started crying. Then my dad went into the room, and asked me where she went? And I when like, “admiralty” then he asked me, go after her. Then he saw a letter my mom wrote. She told my dad she can’t take it anymore, and that she is sorry. She need to run away so that she can find some peace. I was crying like hell. I went on crying and crying. I called my brother and my sister up. My sister was crying on the phone.
I took a quick shower, wore my dress and went out. So yea, my father follow, but still, he belive that my mom was rude. At that point of time I wished I had kill him. So we went searchin behind the garden, all over our neighbourhood. She was’nt there. I called her, she rejected my call. I call her many times till she picked it up. Then finally she pick up. She said she wants to go. I am like “where are you!!” and she say she’s in the bus heading to woodlands. But she told my sis she’s at the mosque. And she told my auntie she’s in the central. So I was confused. Who to believe.
Then my dad, gave up. He said he was tired and dizzy. But I can see he was. So I asked him to go home. So I sat underneath my block alone, ccrying and crying thinking where was she. I call her, and she off her phone. My mind was thinking, should I run away? Should i? so yea, my sis came home. We went to sit somewhere. And I try contacting her again. Finally she on her phone. But it took me many times to dial her till she pick up. This time, i was begging her to come home. at this point of time, I feel as tho I could faint like seriously, I haven’t ate and I was crying so much. Then she asked me to go home. ask me to go and eat. I plead her to tell me where is she. She refuses to ans. Then she told me, she was at masjid darul makmur. She told me she’s staying there till ishyak. I told her, to come home. she told me she will. If she thinks of her children, she will come home. I trust her. I knew she will come home.
So yea, cut the story short. My brother, my sister and me took her home from the mosque. At ard 5. we ate. Back home, my dad, as per normal, scolding my mom. But she stay strong. But im glad that today my dad sleep in the room. Just so you know, today, is one of the worst day I ever had. I love my mom so much.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
fucked up
I'm sick of everything! like seriously. im not asking for simpathy. but i've never been through such a thing. My dad, an egoistic bastard. Currently, i hate him.
Just now, i apologize to my dad, thinking that maybe that is the only way i would help my mother. He shouted at me, and still scolding me. Well, my mom help me, she told him how could you treat your child like that and stuffs. Then it came to a point, that he said, he dun bother us anymore, then my mom was like 'minah go take a bathe and we shall leave him' and he went like, 'leave leave ah. i dun bother' It hurts me when he said that. So when i walk off from him, i told him, he was heartless. i went back to my room and cried. when im crying, i told god, God, take away my life, maybe that would help everything. I told my mom just now, i should just die. well, think back, i wouldnt do such a thing, because i knew, if i leave, it would make matters worse for my mom.
well, i love my mom. she's been crying a lot. and i pity her. my dad still sleeps at the couch. when my sister asked him to go to his room, he refuses. so yea, stay that way, maybe my sister and me should sleep with her tonight. and i still THANK THAT FUCKING BITCH FOR THIS. FUCK YOU!! GOT THAT?!
Just now, i apologize to my dad, thinking that maybe that is the only way i would help my mother. He shouted at me, and still scolding me. Well, my mom help me, she told him how could you treat your child like that and stuffs. Then it came to a point, that he said, he dun bother us anymore, then my mom was like 'minah go take a bathe and we shall leave him' and he went like, 'leave leave ah. i dun bother' It hurts me when he said that. So when i walk off from him, i told him, he was heartless. i went back to my room and cried. when im crying, i told god, God, take away my life, maybe that would help everything. I told my mom just now, i should just die. well, think back, i wouldnt do such a thing, because i knew, if i leave, it would make matters worse for my mom.
well, i love my mom. she's been crying a lot. and i pity her. my dad still sleeps at the couch. when my sister asked him to go to his room, he refuses. so yea, stay that way, maybe my sister and me should sleep with her tonight. and i still THANK THAT FUCKING BITCH FOR THIS. FUCK YOU!! GOT THAT?!
fucked up
Everything’s so fucked up right now.
I can’t stop crying. My dad has been on the couch since yesterday. He refuses to talk to anyone. Early in the morning, I heard my mom and him quarelling. He didn’t ate since yesterday. My mom on the other hand has been in her room, crying. Me and my sister, stayed in the room. And my brother, in his room. I am sad. I should thank my evil grandmother for this. She really likes to see us like this didn’t she. And I knew all along, yesterday, when my mom cried in front of her, she didn’t care less. She was more than happy. I am cursing her to death. How’d I wish that it was her that had past away.
Seriously, I don’t know what to do.
I can’t stop crying. My dad has been on the couch since yesterday. He refuses to talk to anyone. Early in the morning, I heard my mom and him quarelling. He didn’t ate since yesterday. My mom on the other hand has been in her room, crying. Me and my sister, stayed in the room. And my brother, in his room. I am sad. I should thank my evil grandmother for this. She really likes to see us like this didn’t she. And I knew all along, yesterday, when my mom cried in front of her, she didn’t care less. She was more than happy. I am cursing her to death. How’d I wish that it was her that had past away.
Seriously, I don’t know what to do.
Sunday, September 10, 2006
funeral
My grandmother’s funeral.
I can’t sleep at night. Had to woke up at 7. So I didn’t sleep the entire night and wait till morn. I toss and turn on my bed while stargazing, I cried too. So rite now, I’ve been awake since the past 29 hours.
And I’ve been crying since the past 8 hours. Not only did I mourn over my grandma’s funeral, to add to the melancholy, my fucking dad made a big issue. He was JEALOUS. I can see his jealousy. Well, story goes like this. My sister and me was sitting in front of my grandma’s jenazah and we were crying and sobbing. Well my ‘evil grandma’(my dad’s mom) was beside us. We were so sad that we didn’t talk to our ‘evil grandma’ and we didn’t salam her. So, this bitch, goes up to my dad and told him about we never salam her and all. COME ON! Just admit that u are jealous. Too bad, I love my other grandma to the max. So, my dad, confronted us. Like oh my god. Picture this people. People are crying, most of them are sad, some were praying, some were kissing my grandma’s forehead and he wants us to fucking entertain that bitch?!
Im sorry if I sound mean. But truth is, u haven’t met my ‘evil grandma’. She hates us. And so do we. Do you know that sometimes I see the way he treated my father isn’t the same as the rest of his siblings. Well every time, when there’s occasion coming up, my father isn’t updated at all. As in know one would tell him. It was always awkward when my family are around them. And do you know that my grandmother called my sister ‘mulut puki’ when she was little? She thinks that we got no feeling at all. yea, fuck her!
So after the funeral, at around 6, we were heading back home. We were in the car. And he was shouting and shouting. I was crying. He wanted my brother to go to clementi and go to the bitch house. Like What the fuck?! So yea, we went to her house. He went into the lift and left us behind. By the time we reach at the house, me, my mom, my sis was crying. We were pissed. We had enough of him. We told that bitch, ur son is so fucked up. He tend to lose his temper easily. My brother was shouting to him. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him!? What was his problem.
I cried so bad because all I ever wanted is a happy family. The one where we rarely fight. and where the siblings are so close. Like now, me and my brother, we are not close at all. And my father, he always find fault in everything. Oh god, please give me a happy family. I’ve been praying for this for a long time. You know I love my family when we were happy. Can we just remain that way. Change my father’s attitude. He’s having high blood pressure right now. I love him. Don’t make him mad.
All this vulgarites doesn’t mean that I hate my dad. I love him. I love him to the maximum. It’s just that his temper made me feel like I hate him so much that I want to kill him. But to my evil grandma, I can’t say that I love her, because she never showed me what is love and never made me feel that love exist. Im not sure, if I should even like her Im confused. There’s always second chances to make me think differently about her, but she don’t really show that she can even deserve second chances.
Now, everyone is not in talking terms. my mom is already asleep, which is what she neveer did before. and my dad, watching the tv outside. i can't really describe what i feel right now.
I can’t sleep at night. Had to woke up at 7. So I didn’t sleep the entire night and wait till morn. I toss and turn on my bed while stargazing, I cried too. So rite now, I’ve been awake since the past 29 hours.
And I’ve been crying since the past 8 hours. Not only did I mourn over my grandma’s funeral, to add to the melancholy, my fucking dad made a big issue. He was JEALOUS. I can see his jealousy. Well, story goes like this. My sister and me was sitting in front of my grandma’s jenazah and we were crying and sobbing. Well my ‘evil grandma’(my dad’s mom) was beside us. We were so sad that we didn’t talk to our ‘evil grandma’ and we didn’t salam her. So, this bitch, goes up to my dad and told him about we never salam her and all. COME ON! Just admit that u are jealous. Too bad, I love my other grandma to the max. So, my dad, confronted us. Like oh my god. Picture this people. People are crying, most of them are sad, some were praying, some were kissing my grandma’s forehead and he wants us to fucking entertain that bitch?!
Im sorry if I sound mean. But truth is, u haven’t met my ‘evil grandma’. She hates us. And so do we. Do you know that sometimes I see the way he treated my father isn’t the same as the rest of his siblings. Well every time, when there’s occasion coming up, my father isn’t updated at all. As in know one would tell him. It was always awkward when my family are around them. And do you know that my grandmother called my sister ‘mulut puki’ when she was little? She thinks that we got no feeling at all. yea, fuck her!
So after the funeral, at around 6, we were heading back home. We were in the car. And he was shouting and shouting. I was crying. He wanted my brother to go to clementi and go to the bitch house. Like What the fuck?! So yea, we went to her house. He went into the lift and left us behind. By the time we reach at the house, me, my mom, my sis was crying. We were pissed. We had enough of him. We told that bitch, ur son is so fucked up. He tend to lose his temper easily. My brother was shouting to him. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him!? What was his problem.
I cried so bad because all I ever wanted is a happy family. The one where we rarely fight. and where the siblings are so close. Like now, me and my brother, we are not close at all. And my father, he always find fault in everything. Oh god, please give me a happy family. I’ve been praying for this for a long time. You know I love my family when we were happy. Can we just remain that way. Change my father’s attitude. He’s having high blood pressure right now. I love him. Don’t make him mad.
All this vulgarites doesn’t mean that I hate my dad. I love him. I love him to the maximum. It’s just that his temper made me feel like I hate him so much that I want to kill him. But to my evil grandma, I can’t say that I love her, because she never showed me what is love and never made me feel that love exist. Im not sure, if I should even like her Im confused. There’s always second chances to make me think differently about her, but she don’t really show that she can even deserve second chances.
Now, everyone is not in talking terms. my mom is already asleep, which is what she neveer did before. and my dad, watching the tv outside. i can't really describe what i feel right now.
my hero
Hmmmm. Guess what time did I wake up today? 1? No. 2? No. 3? No. 4? No. 5? No. 6? YES!! And no people, im talking about 6 in the evening. Oh my. Im having sleeping disorder. I think I need some sleeping pills to put me to sleep. I’ve been wondering How the hell am I going to wake up when school starts?!
Ok, everything went as usual. At around 6 my mom told me my grandma had difficulty breathing. I thought that was normal. Because the past two time she went to the hospital was because of the same reason. At around 8 40, my parents and my brother had to go for jemputan. She asked me if I want to tag along and then we can go to the hospital together, but I don’t feel like going. I hate the idea of going to jemputan. So yea, I played the sims at home. At ard 9+ I got a call from my aunty, she told me my grandmother had past away. I was speechless! I got quiet. I cried.
You don’t know the tough times she’s been through. Her children don’t care about her. To be honest, even my mom don’t really pay much attention to her. I can still remember, last year, hari raya she was sitting on the chair ALONE, with no one to talk to. I mean, her children don’t even bother to talk to her. I can feel what she felt. The past few months, she’s been begging with people for money to go to the clinic. She even asked people not related to our family for money. Sometimes, my brother and my sister give some of their pay money to her. Well, even if I have some I would.
She’s been taking care of my aunty who is handicapped since the day my aunty was born. Now that my grandma had past away, can u imagine how huge is the impact on my aunty? My aunty who has no husband and kids. Where will she live? Im sad for her. Well, I’ve been thinking of asking her to live with us.
I went to the hospital just now, my sis picked me up. I kissed her forehead and I burst into tears. I love you grandma! I’ll always will. You’re my hero.
Ok, everything went as usual. At around 6 my mom told me my grandma had difficulty breathing. I thought that was normal. Because the past two time she went to the hospital was because of the same reason. At around 8 40, my parents and my brother had to go for jemputan. She asked me if I want to tag along and then we can go to the hospital together, but I don’t feel like going. I hate the idea of going to jemputan. So yea, I played the sims at home. At ard 9+ I got a call from my aunty, she told me my grandmother had past away. I was speechless! I got quiet. I cried.
You don’t know the tough times she’s been through. Her children don’t care about her. To be honest, even my mom don’t really pay much attention to her. I can still remember, last year, hari raya she was sitting on the chair ALONE, with no one to talk to. I mean, her children don’t even bother to talk to her. I can feel what she felt. The past few months, she’s been begging with people for money to go to the clinic. She even asked people not related to our family for money. Sometimes, my brother and my sister give some of their pay money to her. Well, even if I have some I would.
She’s been taking care of my aunty who is handicapped since the day my aunty was born. Now that my grandma had past away, can u imagine how huge is the impact on my aunty? My aunty who has no husband and kids. Where will she live? Im sad for her. Well, I’ve been thinking of asking her to live with us.
I went to the hospital just now, my sis picked me up. I kissed her forehead and I burst into tears. I love you grandma! I’ll always will. You’re my hero.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
