new air.

ahhhh.... new semester, new class...
im pretty scared about tommorow...
wonder where will i be sitting in the classroom?
and hmmm.. will i make new friends?
im scaredddddd....
and how am i going to present in the class, when i know no one...
i suck at presentations..
arghhhhhhhhh
im scared!

i've been alone all along

i've been alone all along....

runaway.

I can’t sleep well. Woke up at 6 in the morning. Then around, 7, my mom came into my room, and I pretended I was sleeping. She slept with me in my room. When I saw her sleeping, I went back to sleep again. I thought of bringing her out today.

Then, ended up waking up at 12 +. So, I got a little scared when I didn’t see her in my bedroom. I went in her room, saw her sitting in front of her fan, drying her hair, lokking depressed. She was all ready to go out. So I asked her, where she heading to? She told me, she was going to meet her friend at admiralty. I insist on following her. But she told me she’s late and it’s going to be quick. Then I asked her, is she bringing her phone? She said yea.

So after she left, I don’t know why I lie on her bed and started crying. Then my dad went into the room, and asked me where she went? And I when like, “admiralty” then he asked me, go after her. Then he saw a letter my mom wrote. She told my dad she can’t take it anymore, and that she is sorry. She need to run away so that she can find some peace. I was crying like hell. I went on crying and crying. I called my brother and my sister up. My sister was crying on the phone.

I took a quick shower, wore my dress and went out. So yea, my father follow, but still, he belive that my mom was rude. At that point of time I wished I had kill him. So we went searchin behind the garden, all over our neighbourhood. She was’nt there. I called her, she rejected my call. I call her many times till she picked it up. Then finally she pick up. She said she wants to go. I am like “where are you!!” and she say she’s in the bus heading to woodlands. But she told my sis she’s at the mosque. And she told my auntie she’s in the central. So I was confused. Who to believe.

Then my dad, gave up. He said he was tired and dizzy. But I can see he was. So I asked him to go home. So I sat underneath my block alone, ccrying and crying thinking where was she. I call her, and she off her phone. My mind was thinking, should I run away? Should i? so yea, my sis came home. We went to sit somewhere. And I try contacting her again. Finally she on her phone. But it took me many times to dial her till she pick up. This time, i was begging her to come home. at this point of time, I feel as tho I could faint like seriously, I haven’t ate and I was crying so much. Then she asked me to go home. ask me to go and eat. I plead her to tell me where is she. She refuses to ans. Then she told me, she was at masjid darul makmur. She told me she’s staying there till ishyak. I told her, to come home. she told me she will. If she thinks of her children, she will come home. I trust her. I knew she will come home.

So yea, cut the story short. My brother, my sister and me took her home from the mosque. At ard 5. we ate. Back home, my dad, as per normal, scolding my mom. But she stay strong. But im glad that today my dad sleep in the room. Just so you know, today, is one of the worst day I ever had. I love my mom so much.

fucked up

I'm sick of everything! like seriously. im not asking for simpathy. but i've never been through such a thing. My dad, an egoistic bastard. Currently, i hate him.

Just now, i apologize to my dad, thinking that maybe that is the only way i would help my mother. He shouted at me, and still scolding me. Well, my mom help me, she told him how could you treat your child like that and stuffs. Then it came to a point, that he said, he dun bother us anymore, then my mom was like 'minah go take a bathe and we shall leave him' and he went like, 'leave leave ah. i dun bother' It hurts me when he said that. So when i walk off from him, i told him, he was heartless. i went back to my room and cried. when im crying, i told god, God, take away my life, maybe that would help everything. I told my mom just now, i should just die. well, think back, i wouldnt do such a thing, because i knew, if i leave, it would make matters worse for my mom.

well, i love my mom. she's been crying a lot. and i pity her. my dad still sleeps at the couch. when my sister asked him to go to his room, he refuses. so yea, stay that way, maybe my sister and me should sleep with her tonight. and i still THANK THAT FUCKING BITCH FOR THIS. FUCK YOU!! GOT THAT?!

fucked up

Everything’s so fucked up right now.
I can’t stop crying. My dad has been on the couch since yesterday. He refuses to talk to anyone. Early in the morning, I heard my mom and him quarelling. He didn’t ate since yesterday. My mom on the other hand has been in her room, crying. Me and my sister, stayed in the room. And my brother, in his room. I am sad. I should thank my evil grandmother for this. She really likes to see us like this didn’t she. And I knew all along, yesterday, when my mom cried in front of her, she didn’t care less. She was more than happy. I am cursing her to death. How’d I wish that it was her that had past away.
Seriously, I don’t know what to do.

funeral

My grandmother’s funeral.

I can’t sleep at night. Had to woke up at 7. So I didn’t sleep the entire night and wait till morn. I toss and turn on my bed while stargazing, I cried too. So rite now, I’ve been awake since the past 29 hours.

And I’ve been crying since the past 8 hours. Not only did I mourn over my grandma’s funeral, to add to the melancholy, my fucking dad made a big issue. He was JEALOUS. I can see his jealousy. Well, story goes like this. My sister and me was sitting in front of my grandma’s jenazah and we were crying and sobbing. Well my ‘evil grandma’(my dad’s mom) was beside us. We were so sad that we didn’t talk to our ‘evil grandma’ and we didn’t salam her. So, this bitch, goes up to my dad and told him about we never salam her and all. COME ON! Just admit that u are jealous. Too bad, I love my other grandma to the max. So, my dad, confronted us. Like oh my god. Picture this people. People are crying, most of them are sad, some were praying, some were kissing my grandma’s forehead and he wants us to fucking entertain that bitch?!

Im sorry if I sound mean. But truth is, u haven’t met my ‘evil grandma’. She hates us. And so do we. Do you know that sometimes I see the way he treated my father isn’t the same as the rest of his siblings. Well every time, when there’s occasion coming up, my father isn’t updated at all. As in know one would tell him. It was always awkward when my family are around them. And do you know that my grandmother called my sister ‘mulut puki’ when she was little? She thinks that we got no feeling at all. yea, fuck her!

So after the funeral, at around 6, we were heading back home. We were in the car. And he was shouting and shouting. I was crying. He wanted my brother to go to clementi and go to the bitch house. Like What the fuck?! So yea, we went to her house. He went into the lift and left us behind. By the time we reach at the house, me, my mom, my sis was crying. We were pissed. We had enough of him. We told that bitch, ur son is so fucked up. He tend to lose his temper easily. My brother was shouting to him. Like seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him!? What was his problem.

I cried so bad because all I ever wanted is a happy family. The one where we rarely fight. and where the siblings are so close. Like now, me and my brother, we are not close at all. And my father, he always find fault in everything. Oh god, please give me a happy family. I’ve been praying for this for a long time. You know I love my family when we were happy. Can we just remain that way. Change my father’s attitude. He’s having high blood pressure right now. I love him. Don’t make him mad.

All this vulgarites doesn’t mean that I hate my dad. I love him. I love him to the maximum. It’s just that his temper made me feel like I hate him so much that I want to kill him. But to my evil grandma, I can’t say that I love her, because she never showed me what is love and never made me feel that love exist. Im not sure, if I should even like her Im confused. There’s always second chances to make me think differently about her, but she don’t really show that she can even deserve second chances.

Now, everyone is not in talking terms. my mom is already asleep, which is what she neveer did before. and my dad, watching the tv outside. i can't really describe what i feel right now.

my hero

Hmmmm. Guess what time did I wake up today? 1? No. 2? No. 3? No. 4? No. 5? No. 6? YES!! And no people, im talking about 6 in the evening. Oh my. Im having sleeping disorder. I think I need some sleeping pills to put me to sleep. I’ve been wondering How the hell am I going to wake up when school starts?!

Ok, everything went as usual. At around 6 my mom told me my grandma had difficulty breathing. I thought that was normal. Because the past two time she went to the hospital was because of the same reason. At around 8 40, my parents and my brother had to go for jemputan. She asked me if I want to tag along and then we can go to the hospital together, but I don’t feel like going. I hate the idea of going to jemputan. So yea, I played the sims at home. At ard 9+ I got a call from my aunty, she told me my grandmother had past away. I was speechless! I got quiet. I cried.

You don’t know the tough times she’s been through. Her children don’t care about her. To be honest, even my mom don’t really pay much attention to her. I can still remember, last year, hari raya she was sitting on the chair ALONE, with no one to talk to. I mean, her children don’t even bother to talk to her. I can feel what she felt. The past few months, she’s been begging with people for money to go to the clinic. She even asked people not related to our family for money. Sometimes, my brother and my sister give some of their pay money to her. Well, even if I have some I would.

She’s been taking care of my aunty who is handicapped since the day my aunty was born. Now that my grandma had past away, can u imagine how huge is the impact on my aunty? My aunty who has no husband and kids. Where will she live? Im sad for her. Well, I’ve been thinking of asking her to live with us.

I went to the hospital just now, my sis picked me up. I kissed her forehead and I burst into tears. I love you grandma! I’ll always will. You’re my hero.

ooo. la la.

okay! CURRENTLY.
Currently, im hating someone. he/she is getting on my nerves and i feel like killing him/her + my brother, who keep asking me to design a lot of stuff. Patience Brother Patience! IRRITATING! I have a lot of things to do okay.
Currently, im broke but im wanting so much like err, a new bag, a vest, a new dress, Lots of t shirts, new jeans, do something new to my hair… bla bla bla.. DAMN!! Tell me where can I steal some Money?!
Currently, im addicted to corinne bailey rae. Err, her songs actually. “girl put your records on, tell me your favourite songs, you go ahead let your hair down…” lalala! Her songs is the shit man!
Currently, lord of dogtown is watching me. LOL! Since im playing it for the sake of light. So that there won’t be a total darkness. I like it when it’s not too bright not too dark you see. :D Currently, I’ve been fasting. A good girl ey?
Currently, I’m craving for pancakes.

FINALLY! Pauls out yo! ahhh. Im happy that he's finally out. But the way he left the show was quite touching in fact. My eyes was teary and so was my sis. i guess he really was born entertainer but NOT A SINGER. So looooooong paul! Oh yea, wat's with ja man at the end of the show?! She is one freaky women! lol.

Have you heard about Natasha Kampusch? The 10 year old girl who got kidnapped 8 years ago? Oh my. Sad life huh? I pitied both the kidnapper and the girl. Why wait till 8 years rite to run away rite? She told the police she was occasionally taken on walks with him through his neighbourhood. Neighbours confirmed they had seen a young woman accompanying the suspected kidnapper, but added she had never called for help. And that captor of her committed suicide straight away after knowing that she had run away. If I was her, I think I will be sad to hear that he commited suicide. I mean, after 8 FREAKING YEARS?! He’s like a friend to me already! I guess so.. lol. Think back, I think, he must have been a nice man to her. If he wasn’t, she should have run away a long time ago and not wait until 8 years!

Oh yea, during the hols, I can foresee myself in hmm 10 years time? Or maybe earlier than that. I THINK im gonna get married with my computer plus having an affair with my television. Cool ey? I have given them all my attention, and I can stay with them forever! Even they can be with me for a long period of time. Awwww…. How I love my Computer + my television. Always & Forever!

w15m chalet.

the bitch is back!

**Guess who's back, back again
Amy's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back,
Guess who's back
Guess who's back**
LOL!IM BACK!
yes, after soooo long...... and now, i decided to update my blog again! Holiday-ing rite now. Boring la. Nothing to do. So yea, started to design new template. Damn, i never did mention what happen the past few months huh?! who i met in RP, how's life in RP, how friendly people in RP is, What IG am i in. And now, it's already the end of semester 1! darn! Well, yea, im sooo gonna miss people in W15M. Ahhh... So long my friends! gonna miss Nurul, Amira, Loga, Eliane, Mimi, Justin and Joel.
Nurul was my first friend in RP. Knew her during orientation. My first impression of her was, i thought she was a chinese. At first i knew i could'nt get along with her, because she was IMPATIENT. lyk seriously, she is! lol. But, as month flew by, i learn to get along with her. and she's understanding too. and i love messing around with her about hmmmmm hahanurul.

then on the first day of school, in my group, there was this malay girl name AMIRA!. yes. AMIRA. ahaha. so yea, FIRST IMPRESSION, minah habes. hahaha! with the red streaks and all. BUT she's not. She was so seriousss when i first knew her. and she didn't even talk to me. ARROGANT AH?! HAHAHAA! so, i started to talk to her first. Since i knew sallihah was her friend, started to talk on that topic for a start. then after a while, i knew she was one crazy child. Yes. CRAZY. ahahaha. I can click with her so well, that we can even talk openly to ourselves. although we knew for a short period of time, i feel like i've known her for soooooo long.

then come, logaRANGINI. First impression was, she was sooo serious/clever. I tot i could never get along with her, since she's tooo clever and all. AHAHA. But i was wrong again. She's tha girl with the heels man! lol! she's like my sister! lyk totally. the way she treated her younger sis is the way my sis treated me. she's helpful + TOO NICE la.

MIMI. knew her when i got to know loga and mira. FIRST IMPRESSION, similar as loga. the clever people yo! lol. This girl she scares me a little. She can get mad at me at anytime. Im pretty scared of her. ;p she's loud!! and serious at times. i never knew she's the type who want's to cabot and all. ahhh... and she likes to cry a lot during movies. no matter wat type of movie she watch. lol! funny! overall, she's fun to be with.

Eliane joined us like months later. before that she was SOOO quiet. so yea, one day, i drag her along during break with us. thennn we started to get close. and guess wat. now, she's be loud. she likes to laugh at preactically anything! she's the second of anna la. crazy + funny! lol!

ahhh... then come justin. IRRITATING! EMO here and there. i'll never miss him saying "EMO!" in classs. URGHHH! but Irritating in a good way irritating. lol. Joel! ahhh... the vacuum! HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. relax ahhh dun get mad... hahaha! eh who is going to eat my food later if i can't finish?! lol. gonna miss him too.. im gonna misssssss everyone laaaaa!!! everyone from w15m!



:(