Cross My fingers

Cross my finger

Okay, seriously, vista suck ass.
irritating luh sia.
dun ever use vista as your OS.

oh. apish is helping me to get a job at quicksilver/roxy marina.
yey! hopefully, i and aqila get a chance to go for their interview.
plsssss plss plss luh. working at a surf shop is where i've been wanting to work at!

imagine if i get that job...
woah, i can get for myself my own discount siak!
ahhahaha. kan kan kan aqila kan?!
then we can just reserve new stocks for our own.
huahahahaa.

Goodbye. Im letting it go. And i'll be the stranger.

Goodbye. Im letting it go.

Oh wow, i realise i have'nt been updating much these days huh?
i guess, i won't be updating much now.
for, umm... no reasons.

whatever it is, i think im a happy girl now.
=D

im at school rite now. grr, where else can i be!?
but it's okay, school's ending real soon.
and i mean, realllllly soon. yey!

me and aqila are going for job hunting soon.
any job offers anyone?!

so, a lot of things happened lately, but i dun wish to talk about it here.
But urm.... i've rebonded my hair.
yeap.

and oh, cold war still going on between my dad and me.
both refused to talk to each other.

eh Gossip girl is so addictive luh.
i've been spending a lot of time watching that.
i love that boy, dan. he's sooo... nice.
just the type i like.
haaaaaaah.

you know you love me,
xoxo.

"I'm alive but I’m losing all my drive
Cause everything were been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by
All I had to say is goodbye
Were better off this way"

fool

AWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..

Be glad now.

Okay, today's dream was definitely weird.
I dreamt about this girl.
Okay, this girl, i dreamt about her once before.
This tym, we were in good terms.
We talk things out.
The conversation goes like this...

me "So how's u and him?"

she "Okay luh, we no longer talk to each other and i love my bf a lot now"

me "What happen actually?"

she "No, what happen to you actually?"

me "Nothing much luh, we are just, not meant to be. I keep seeing him with other girls one after another. First there was her... then there was you and her... then her... then her... then me again.. then her... So what about u? what happened? Was it because of me?"
she "No luh, it was'nt you luh. It all happened when elton and john came along"

me "ELTON AND JOHN?!"

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA. i swear to god that was one merepek dream luh. I woke up right after that. Still questioning myself... ELTON AND JOHN?! ahhahahahha WTH! merepeeeek btul. i wonder who's elton and who's john. GOSH.

It's strange how they could appear in my dreams sia. Nevermind~
i must've been thinking too much.

So the past few days was sucky as ever.
im still not talking to dad. he's being so cold towards me. and i hate that.
i skipped school the past two days.
my grades... are really shitty... im really slacking... but heck, im left with only a week.

the past few days, i met a lot of familiar faces.
I had breakfast that sun morning at macs and guess who i saw?! herman luh.
i bet he dun remember me at all, so yea, i just walked right through him.

then, i head to eliane's house to get ready and stuffs.
then we head off to vivo.
on the train, guess who i saw?!
tafsir luh!
i got so shocked! i think my reaction was pretty stupid.
Trying so hard to avoid him, i grabbed eliane's hand and run away as fast as i could to avoid him seeing me.
i feeeeel so baddddddd...
but whatever it is, i just hope, he did'nt realise luh.

i realise i was being really mean towards him last tym.
and i mean, REALLY. and im sorry.
i feel so bad.
its just that i've been hearing a lot of bad things about him last tym.
and that, the sight of me seeing a girl kissing him was just 0_0
Picture this kay, u went out on a date with a guy...
everything seem okay...
you need to pee.. you go to the toilet..
he's waiting for you outside...
then when you head out off the toilet you see a girl, kissing your date.
urrr, no okay, it's not a cheek kindda kiss.
it was more too... urm, lips kissing.
Am i just a bad luck kid orwhut?!
it was THEN, when i started to think, him and me, we are just totally different people.
i just can't see myself, seeing you everytym, sitting down there at the skatepark meeting your friends then sit there mcm tiang smiling lyk im forced to.
he's friends, are what i call the party people. i feel that, we are just... different.
So, i leave him hanging. and he keeps on texting and texting me saying sorry, asking me why all this happen, but still i refuse to text him back.
Even my mom went lyk "MSG balik luh, kesian org tu".
till one day, he finally gave up.
after all that, he dedicated a song for me through his myspace... called karma - cokelat.
yes, and it goes something like this...

"Selamat tinggal sayang
Bila umurku panjang, kelak ku kan datang
'Tuk buktikan, satu balas 'kan kau jelas
Jangan menangis sayang
Kuingin kau rasakan, pahitnya terbuang
Sia-sia, memang kau pantas dapatkan"

So yes tafsir, if you're reading this, i think, probably i deserve that.
i deserve that. really.
cuz it all came back to me, lyk how you wanted it to be.
=D

Okay, life is pretty much a misery for me right now.

Okay, life is pretty much a misery for me right now.
Yes. i mean seeeriously.
Okay, warning this entry may be explicit.

So saturday, i thought my day was gonna be purfect.
I thought my day was gonna be normal.
but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, feeeling seeeeriously fucked up luh rite now.
And adding up to that fuckedup-ness, i had to face evil mens on earth.
Yes, I received one, two, three? huge tight slap with this beings they called... urm... heartless. and that one being is someone whom i called... my dad!
Fuck luh! January, is just a bad month to start with.
seriously. It's always january when such things happen.
I dun get it seriously, why the fuck he have to make such small little things to be soooo... big! ERGH!
I cried, and i cried, and i cried.
Im tired already.
This is the point of time in my life where i seriously think that life, is fucking meaningless.
So why live sia?!
he's getting on my fucking nerve oready.
and worst still, he have to drag it all till today luh.
I woke up early in the morning, because i had plans.
and since elia stayed over at my house, i plan to go out with her instead.
But, this ass, i did'nt know why the fuck he came barging into my bro's room and shouted at me saying "EH, YOU WANT TO RUNAWAY, YOU JUST PACK YOUR THINGS AND LEAVE! JUST LEAVE! I DUN CARE AH!"

EHHH HELLO FUCK! LISTEN TO ME EH. YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU JUST SAY LUH!! I CAN LEAVE WHENEVER I WANT TOO OSO LUH! CHHEEEEEEEEEBYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! I DON'T EVEN BOTHER LUH! IM NOT LIKE YOU OSO LUH FUCKER, I HAVE FEELINGS.. UNLIKE YOU. ERGHHHH
$@#$@#%$%#%^%$^#^$#^$%#$^#$^#%$#^%#^%$&^$&#%@$#%$#.

how i wished, my grandma is still alive. cuz i know, if she was, i would be by her side at this particular timing. I miss her. gosh, im seriously hurt now. I am. I was treated lyk an object to you!!

Now im lyk at eliane's crib writing all this shit. i can't take it luh seriously.
I had enough with him.

I know he's my dad. I know. I still love him, but i just cant take it uh seriously.
And if he felt that i've changed, then feel sorry for urself... because u made me!
YOU! made me now. asss.

So okay, angers aside, i had fun with them last night.
Tho itwas embarassing at first but it was fun later on.
With them, it felt like as if all my problems were gone.
free from everything.
So yea, i got home at ard 5 in the morning.
Eliane stayed over.
and now... im at her place.

boohooo.
fuckeduplifeihavenow.

This is what i call, one-sided

One-sided

okay, updates updates!

Many asked, "Why are'nt you online lately?"
There's no reason to it ok. i choose not to be online. so yea.

So what have i been doing lately?
going out, sleep, school, out, sleep, school, net, myspace, blog.
pretty much, im living a life as a bummer now.
yes.

i just woke up from a short nap. Went yishun after school. Eat, talk, thread, blablablayadayadayada.

Oh, thursday was a dread... i went to school late, lyk ard... 1010?
I was present in class for a while, and when i had to change team, my mood was'nt there at all! i was teamed with sean. Ohmeegooodness i dun like it when he talks. When he talk, he's basically throwing rubbish onto my ears. I hate entertaining him okay.
So i skipped lesson, and went CWP to catch a movie called... 'CLOVERFIELD' with aqila. huahahaha.

Okay, CLOVERFIELD = SUCKASS. period. That movie sucks to the maxima okays! Gosh, buying those tickets to cloverfield is lyk buying a ticket for a rollercoaster ride luh! Eh merepek luh i tell you. I'm warning all beings reading this,
*DON'T WATCH CLOVERFIELD!!*
There's no ending to it also. Lyk WTH.

They told me, "Minah, not worth it."
Back then, i kept denying.
But now, i think, i've lost it all.
It could be true.

You'd probably need to buy that in bulks. Cuz you send it out too often.

You'd probably need to buy that in bulks.
Cuz you send it out too often.
=D

Yes, dissapearance of aminah.
Woooots~
hahha.
anyways, been sick this pass few days.
Despite being sick, i have to drag my ass to school.
great, orwhut!?

That saturday, was probably the worst fever i had to date from 2007.
Yes, and guess what, before that fever, i dreamt, About.... ALIENS.
i got abducted luh sia!!! then wake up, i cant stop tossing and turning, crying in pain.
My brains, felt like as tho itwas squeezed osumthink.
pain okay! i was tearing all the way.
Then the whole day, i spent by sleeping all the way through the day.
woke up the next morning, body was still unwell. But wan dragged me down to changi airport for fun. So yea, i went changi, eat macs, walked ard, then head home.
Mon, school was normal. Fever run down, but was coughing and coughing and flu was running so badly okay.
and now, today, i feel lyk dying seeriously. i had, 10 hours of sleep, but still im feeling darn tired now! and my nose is killing me! I've been SNEEZING AND SNEEZING AND SNEEZING!
stop it oready. im getting tired!!!

I told mom that day "Mak, i want to put on braces uh."
And mom replied, "Sudahluh kau! Head pain only, want to cry. then, put braces how?! don't ever think of it okay?! Later i cannot take it!"

If god asked me this question "Minah, i would grant ur wish and turn back ur time. Now which point of ur life do you want to be at?"

I'd say "2005"

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay~
gd bye now!

Okay, that's the first step, minah. Moving on.

Okay, that's the first step, minah.
Moving on, Still strong.
=D

I feel soo...

Feel So...

Could my life get any better seriously?!
feeling so fucked up rite now.
and yes, sorry for the vulgarities.
But this is EXACTLY how i feel rite now.

Eh, pls eh. Stop saying im hopeless.
Comme'on man, mirror urself.
wat guts u have to say that i am.
PUHLEASE.
I did everything you asked. And sumtyms, i try. I know i may be stupid at times. But when i fail, you throw nasty words on me. WTH. You think, im born with no feelings eh?!
Name me one thing you've done, JUST ONE THING you've done that you think made you all so worthy.
I see nothing okay.
You, pushing me around, what do u think i am to u?!
You, were never there for me okay. Well not really, but the thing is i dun't even remember when was the last tym you even cared.
Rite now, im not iin a goood state. And im pretty sure u realise that.
So stop hurting me already.
ASSS.

ISN'T THURSDAY'S THE SHITTIEST DAY EVER?!
:'(

It's too late now, babe.

It's too late

So back to school was'nt that bad afterall.
I miss a lot of them. I miss those laughters.
The ones who could make me laugh whenever im feeling down.
The ones who craps a lot with me twety four seven.
The ones who could bear all my nonsence. hahaha
Miss blusbites, Miss preetie, Mr Sicko, Mr Harry Potter and Mr tin-nies. Hahaha. yes them.

Class was okay. Lesson was confusing but okay. I like codings better than anything else. And i hate theory. So yes, mon and tues lessons are loved okay!
And when it comes to thursdays....... gosh! i hate it. kay nehmind, dun wish to talk about the fat ass over and over again.

and oh, a great day to start school today by leaving my 40 bucks in class. how careless can i get?!

So yea, you know, i've been noticing peoples hair today. Changes amongst them. Some are weird, and some are just stylish. One was like amy winehouse luh. hahaha

You know, when u had to take the bus to school every morning, there'll be some familiar faces u would come to recognise. And sometimes, you just, get sick and tired of it.
Take an example of mine...

1) Theres this chinese guy in his mid 30s, always looking down when he board the bus, then he'll find his sit sumwhere near the door, some changes was seen in him today... he's hair! He permed it and now, he looks a lil lyk ah beng uh.

2) Then there's this girl, schooling in republic poly too, she'll be sitting somewhere near my sit, sitting down, and at some moment, she'll open up her pressed powder mirror, then she'll do a lil touch up on her face. and oh, she changed her hair colour too, i envy the way she is, because she's really pretty to look at.

3)bThen at one particular bus stop, there's always this old man standing at the bus stop looking like as if he's waiting for the bus. But if u look closely, he was'nt actually standing there because he want too, and the reason he's there was to do a lil work out. yes, of all places... THE BUS STOP. weird huh?

4) Then theres this one guy who's matrep looking, and everytym he board the bus, i mean, EVERYTYM he board the bus, he'll wear the same old orange shirt, with he's cap on.

5) Then, there's this one particular girl who seems really interesting. She's always at the back of the bus... listening to her mp3, staring out the window and loves to people watch. Sometimes, she'll do the im-so-sleepy-headbang in the bus when she gets really really tired. But funny thing about her is that, she'll never miss her stop even tho how hard she banged her head in the bus. and that girl... is ME! hahahaha :D

So yea, thats probably the end of my bus trip!


So today, after school i accompanied blushbites to city hall to get her stuff then head home. Boy, im tired now. really really tired. I was telling her just now, how i wished that sometimes, or maybe just ONE day, every words i speak to her, could be heard. I just wished that you were there right by my side, like you were invinsible, listening to every word i spoke and know what i really truly feel. because i know my feelings are true and that sometimes i feel like i need you to know that but i don't have the courage to. it's just so hard being me u know. so hard. and what's worst is that, i can't figure out why the hell am i lyk this.

urrr ok nehmind, im disgusted by myself seriously. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
ok goodnight loves.

And i'll pretend my heart still beating.

I'll pretend my heart still beating.

If you know that your day is gonna be dreadful?
This is how you kill it.
Well, it goes well for me tho.
Something is really wrong tho, like i can't seem to get the shadows right.
Sheesh! Im not an art student okay! i don't know how to apply the technique of shadows here.
And oh, i took almost 10 hours doing this. yes. 10-hours!
ahaha. this show, that i've got nothing better to do. so yea.






And i still prefer the other one better. I almost give up doing this one.
But i dun like to do things halfway.
so yea, i just continue doing this one tho i know it gonna suck.

I've been craving a lot now.
First, i wanted cocoa cream puff. Then i wanted ferrero rocher. Then i wanted M&M'S.
I manage to get urm... 5 packs of m&m today! yes, and i've eaten... all of them.
hahahhhaa! Kay, m&m's is love okay.

alright! 10 hours killed, now im heading off to bed.
Sad life huh?! well yea, that is pretty much how she lives her life.

"Inside I hope you know im dying,
with my heart beside me in shattered pieces that may never be replaced
and if I died right now,
you'd never be the same"

And i deny, the tears in my eyes cuz i don't want to let you see.

okay, lm writing this shit using my drawing tablet.
I need to get use to it.

So anyway, today i had to go back to school to configure my lappie . Gosh I took almost 3++. hour to do so luh. Whats worst was that I was alone after 1. Eliane was with me at first. The plan was to head school first, then accompany her later to her dental appointment. But it was rather hard to manage the time. cuz we both know that configuring the laptop will take hours. And her appointment had to be before 5. And i need to head home first before heading to queenstown then to habourfront. so yea, we decided to go on our separate ways. So I sit down there pathetically lonely, listening to music, and... sleep! I only had 4 hours of sleep before that okays. I was rather tired.

After configuring my lappie, i went straight home, then off again to vivo to meet the sister, i bought stuffs, and now, im broke. sheesh. Now Im left with only 10 bucks to survive this week. sheesh. Oh god, i really need to control my temptations. I've been spending a lot lately. K now, i have to stop.

Oh yea, PP'S result is out, and YEY! i passed! PHEW~!


Now that PP is over, All i need to worry now are my FYP's.

To end it off, cute video clips of irfan..





and oh, fyi, he's singing jinbara - kasihnya laila anyways. hahaha. which sounds, nowhere near the song at all!



"I thought we could wait for the fireworks
I thought I could live in your arms and spend every moment I had with you
Stay up all night with the stars
Confess all the faith that I had in you"

You're missed

Sup bloggers. i decided to change my blog url. heh. =D
sorry for the trouble. but i kindda hate the sound of xminah-diaryx luh. hahha.

So yea, today, i went out with elia and nurul.
Gosh i miss nurul lyk $#@$@%$@.

I went to school at first, to configue my laptop.
But time would'nt let me to.
I reached there ard 2, and IT helpdesk was closed.
Great orwhut?!
So i'm heading there tmr instead. sheeesh.

Then we head off to alexandra hospital. for elianes dental appointment.
Met nurul there.
Then we head off to city hall next.
Eat at marina square, ayam penyet is the best! hah. then chilled at esplanade where we usually were. We talked till 11+ or so before heading home.



Talk crap as usual. But 1 of the topic was interesting.
It was about, how people can open up so easily.
I mean, how do they do that? Opening up to someone you barely even know.
If they can do that so easily, then teach me. Pass me some skills. haaaaaah.
I myself, tried sooooooooooooooo hard to open up to people, but i just can't do it that easily. I mean i can, but it takes time. But im amused by those who's born lyk that. Gahhh... im jealous. seriously. Life seems a lot easier for them.

Grrrrrrr. Anyway, Im tired.

Oh yea, there's a meteor shower going on right now. And i mean now! up to 100 meteors per hour might be seen after midnight. So stand/sit/gaze/sleep/whatever by your window and watch out for the sky.
Cuz u know why? u might be able to catch shooting stars.
But sadly, the weather isn't doing pretty well in singapore tonight.
So chances of u seeing the stars is pretty much, hopeless. haha.
Awwwwwwwwwww. i've always wanted to see a shooting star. ergh.

AND OH, be careful, superman might just land in singapore tonight. hahahahhaa!
I misss smallville..
i need my hero...
clark kent. :(

You know i felt it, so strong.
That i can even feel what's right and what's wrong.
Why do i feel this way?

Could this be out of line? To say u're the only one, breaking me down like this.

"If only...."
"I should've..."
"Why did'nt i....?"
"I could've...."

Could someone please put some sense into my head.
I mean, seriously.
Why do i keep asking/questioning myself, with all this statements.
Put some sense into me, that it already happened.
And i can't change anything about it.
So, PLS, stop me from all this.

ERGH.

So, i sent my beloved laptop for servicing.
And i can't believe they stripped her open in front of my eyes.
What's worst was that, they stripped her open so roughly. yes!
i was shocked. because, the man did it in an unhappy manner okay.
In my heart i was lyk "Gentle la oi!"
He knocked it with a screwdriver to get it open.
I was lyk.... *urmmm???*
Even acer service was'nt that rough and was even friendlier.
This man, he's just, PMS-ING.
haaah. well we'll see hows my lappie condition will be like in 1 week time.

oh check this out,



k crap. hahahahahaha. i actually tot they were like, promoting condominiums.
and when i see the "i"... i went lyk "AHAHHAHAHHAHA".

Then it reminded me about the mcr concert.
Gosh, how disgusting can people get seeriously?
they were lyk blowing condoms and throwing it in mid air, thinking that, they're balloons. And they went lyk "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" And im lyk, EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. disgusting okay. the one who blows it was right in front on me summore. Grooossss okay. It was all slimy2 summore. eww ok. sheesh.

so yea, back to today, i got back pretty early.. ard 5 or so?
So me and elia planned to meet up at 7 to chill at civic's starbucks.
But apparently, we obviously took our own sweet time and meet at 8 instead.
We walked ard cwp, then we decided to catch the movie, i am legend.
So b4 the movie, we went to starbucks, and oh i have a crush on java chip frap.
Yes, a crush. Was'nt that bad luh. Im falling deep for it, but it's just a crush okay? hahahhaha! ok mere.

I am legend was... good. It got me freaked out ok! I was lyk jumping off my sit at one of the scene. Seriously shocking luh. hahaha. But it was funny how both of us reacted. elia got pack-nick kan eliane?! hahhahahha!
It was sad also, we both cried lyk nobody's business.
and i ended up leaving the theatre with a panda eyes. Yea-uh! my eyeliner smudged. Luckily the whole trip back home was'nt that bad, since there was'nt much people ard to stare at my stupid freaking black eye.

hahhhhhhhhh. so yea. that's about it for today! my lame-old-boring-stupid day.

ok i seeeeeeeee-riously need to do sumthing to my stupid hair.

How could it be nothing at all?

Okay, HAPPY NEW YEARRRR lovelies! =D

I was looking up the sky today, it was raining, i saw a bird, it was flying, trying to get beneath the mrt tracks. Then i saw a flock of birds still flying... then it got me thinking, what if, what if they could'nt find a shelter? where would they go?

It was just yest when i had the sweetest dream ever.
I guess, that dreamt meant something sweet to end 2007 with.
awwww.

Happy happppppppppppppppppy new year!
I watched the fireworks yest, near fullerton.
Supposedly, we wanted to stay near esplanade, but it was darn packed.
And since we got nothing better to do, we walk down to fullerton.
Oh yea, i was supposed to meet elia, but we could'nt get thru each other.
So we ended up not meeting each other. aww. how sad.

It was a lil sad this year tho. But its okay, i should be happy that its a new year.
Thats when im going to start a new beginning. Today, marks the 19th season, the 1st episode of my life. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

So today.... Was probably my luckiest day.
A great day to start new year with.
Dad bought me a new lappie! YEY! tho, the design suck badly, but its okay, the best thing is that, it's light! and it fits my tote bag. Now i can go tote to school!
Hah. cuz, i've always wore backpacks to school.

Not only that! he bought me a 160 gb harddisk. Yes! the last one crashed, so yea, at least this time, i can save up space again for my new lappie.

ANNNNNDDDDDDDDDD..... He bought me graphire drawing tablet!! yey!!! I've been wanting that for so loooong. And finally, i got my very first drawing tablet.
Now i've got the mood to start designing. sheeeesh.
talking about designing, i lost all my draft works of my designs. how sad.

k check this out,


hahahha. okay, i've got nothing better to do.

yey! i love my dad. th he always gets me cranky. But oh wells.

Here are some videos i took from the new camcorder. now i can upload videos on my blog. tho i know, no one sees it. OH, how great.