your unconditional love, was always on my mind.

I hate it when the thought of FYP crosses my mind.
I hate it when MARKETING crosses my mind.

GOD! Play nice to me pls.
and make all of this come and go quickly.
I can't stand it anymore.

The more i think, the more i feel like quitting school.

But i only got a few month to go.
3 month in fact!
just 3 month.

Make it all okay pls.
Make me pass.

:(

12 more weeks to go.
51 lessons to go.
1 fyp to go.

hang in there minah!
just hang in there.

breathe for love tommorow

haha. was bored.

When im with you, i'll make every second counts

Time pass by so fast now. It just felt like yesterday was the first day of fasting month. And its only a week left to hari raya. And no im not looking forward to it. Because, everyone seems busy on that day. My bro's working on the very first day. My sister gonna deliver anytime soon. I think hari raya is gonna be just like any other normal days. So, i heard my family is planning a chalet on december. Probably that's gonna be fun. Im actually happy about that rather than celebrating hari raya.

Im darn sleepy now. Im in a room, and my faci is presenting his 6p outside. So this few days, i've been helping my mom out with all those kuehs kuehs. Made 6 different types of kueh this year. Not a lot. I have yet to get ready for raya this year. No new bajus, no new heels. All i wanna do is to get my hair done. Maybe something brown. And i got a lot of things in mind to get after raya.

I came to realise that probably, this would be the very last year i would be receiving green packets. SAD! but true. hahaha. and that shows that i'll probably be working my ass off next year. And probably the next next year its my turn to hand out some cash to my little ones. grrrr. I hate the fact that im growing old.

People say i look mature. and that sucks. I wanna look 18! i wanna look young!
Love said that i look 25. -_________- grrr! This can't be happening! And the fact that im getting even fatter now, its really depressing. :( But, im not eating too much. I don't think i am. Even when its time to eat, i'll eat very little. But i gain a lot. Maybe i should just starve myself. Eliane was telling me, if you don't eat, you tend to get fat. because fats are beginning to store in your stomach. Then i realise something, eat=fat ; starve=fat So what?! go on bullimic?! grr.

love is back in camp now.
Kindda miss him oready.
Will only be able to meet him on sun for a while.

Love accompanied me to break my fast last sun.
Walked from bugis to beach road just to eat my fav mutton chop.
And I came to realise that love can't walk far with me. He tends to turn grumpy when his tired.

Love said this after taking this picture, "Post this on your blog and tell everyone how cute i am."


perasaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan je~!
muahahhahahhahahahahaahhaha!
mwah mwah!
Looking at love's eyes only reminds me of one thing.
NO! NOT TOM CRUISE. NOT BRAD PITT. TOO FAR AH. TAK DAPAT.
NOT SHAH RUKH KHAN. NOT AMIR KHAN. HAHAHA.
NOT RYAN GUETTLER. -___-
And i actually thought of...



MUAHAHAHHAHAHHAA





OH. I HATE IT NOW WHEN I DON'T HAVE PHOTOSHOP.
ADOBE'S CRASHING ON ME.
gonna get my laptop reformat tmr.
grr.

i love you more than anything

Today, love was sooo nice.
We met up after i ended school. and after his back from camp
He reached at about 4 and had to wait for me for god knows how long, all thx to the stupid facilitator who thinks he knows everything and owns the whole school so he could just drag the lesson anytime he wants. -_-
So at about 430 i had to leave even b4 the 6P started and made an excuse of having a meeting at 430. Which is actually kindda true luh kan! Got meeting with nick wat.
Nick is important oso okay! to me. hee =D
So sorry love for making you wait.

So met him at ard 440 or so. He actually brought me to this open field in front of the mrt track and told me to face that green patch and not to turn back.
So yea, i did wat was told, -_______-
When i turned, i saw him holding this pretty pretty pink roses.
Suddenly i feel like valentines day. muahahhaha.
It was sweet of him to actually give me those pretty roses. i loveeee. hee.
i totally did'nt expect it at all. thanks so much!!! mwah!
Come to think of it, i still remember the first time ever when we met a year back. And he asked me if i ever received flowers from anyone, and i told him no.
He plucked some leaves and gave it to me. And funny that i still keep that pathetic-but-unforgettable leave with me up till now. :D

i love you so muchy mucher muchies munchies muchos machos nachos! ahhaha. Mwah!

im conflicted

My emotions are pulling me down.
Its playing shit on me and its taking over my body.
and it kills a part of me, losing myself, being something i don't want to be.

Its like, only a little part of me is playing nice.
The rest are all plain evil and plain selfish.

But im strong. Im strong enough to try to push it all away.
trying not to be all that. because i think it isn't worth my time, neither its worth anyones elses time.
So i chose to be strong instead.

now tell me, am i just lying to myself?
but don't we lie for the benefit of others?
now im trying to lie to my feelings for the benefit of my own and others.

but lies, it leaks out somtimes.
its only a matter of time.
same goes as my feelings.
its just a matter of time.

I only seek for the truth.
I know they say truth hurts sometimes.
In fact, i already experienced that eons and eons of times.
but wounded hearts, they heal.
slowly.

wish i was'nt her.

Sometimes, i wish i was'nt her.
In fact, i don't want to be her.

i wanna be something new.
Something special.

popopopop

happy birthday sayang!!

HAPPY 20TH BIRTHDAYYYY NICK!!!!!!!!!

Cant wait to see you later.
i remember shouting out your birthday on my blog last year.
I love you botak man! Many many bacteria in my bantal busuk.
muahahhahahhaha!

Kay my hip hurts. my back hurts.
grrr. cya amigos.

Swing swing swing from the bottom of my heart

I was soooo mad this morning.
It makes me wanna tear.

So angry with my sis.
But i refuse to even scream at her.
I sat on my bed waiting for all i care.

Im sick of her putting my make up in her room.
Im sick that im always late for school.

kay first thing first, i woke up in the morning, trying to rush. Took a shower in my parents room, got out of the toilet, wanting to take some stuff in the kitchen toilet. But she was using the toilet. K, tats fine. I waited. Waited from 730 to 745 since i have to take the make up from her room. She got out, took my cleanser, head to her room, wanting to take the make up. But she was using it. And she was showing me that pissed face and told me to wait. And wat's worst was that, she claimed that the concealer belong to her.

HEY MY DAD BOUGHT IT FOR ME!!

And then, when i wanna start getting ready, my eye shadow was all turned into bits and pieces.

Maybe im just having mood swings.
especially to her.
and i don't know why.

So here i am, in class, pretty bored.
But at least today's module is wayyyyyyyy better.
And the faci's okay luh.

Hanging on, So contagiously

And so, i did'nt sleep after buka.
And now, im dead tired.
And what more?! Marketing is killing me rite now.
Dammit. I told myself i'll promise to force myself to come to lessons.
But how can i bare with this??!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I hate it when school starts.
I come to lessons everytyms and there will always be fakes.
You know, those who would pretend like they know so much and knod their head with the "uh-hmm" noise coming out from their freaking mouth in front of the faci. Pretending like they know soooooooo freaking much. But they are just pretending! -_______- Yea. fakes.

Sometimes, i just hate myself for being too quiet.
Sometimes, i just don't wanna speak up.
But i know. I know the answer.
Its not a selfish act. Its just not being confident enough.

ARGHHHHHHHH! I HATE SCHOOOL.
PLSSSSSSS COME AND GO 4 MONTH *i think*

63 more presentations to go.
1 more FYP to get over and done with.

And then im gonna get my ass out of this school.
And..... im gonna work my ass off too.

Question is.... WHERE?!
NO EXPERIENCE.
NO ATTACHMENT.
NOTHING AT ALL.
God, im so hopeless.

Hopefully i'll make it.

GOD MYY STOMACH IS KILLING ME NOW.
It has been growling and growling since just now.

Talking about FYP, thank god i got a B+.
And thank god it pulled my GPA.
Cuz my i got a D for IT Security.
HAHAHA. Expected!
So, 6 out of 16 lessons attended, was kindda worth it afterall.
HAH! TO ME! NOT TO YOU!

Kay i need to go home.
And sleep.
And wake up.
And eat.
And sleep again.
And go to school AGAIN. -___-
And back home again.
And sleep.
And eat.
THEN i get to meet love. weeeeee.